Friday, March 4, 2016

Glimpses of God's Goodness

This is an old something that I wrote a few months back. I found it digging through my files for something else. (from 10/7/15)

It's been a long week already. We had some really good stuff go on last week ministry-wise, but I am tired. It's one of those evenings where Rebecca said to me, "you take the baby home and I'll go to the store with the other two girls." Translation, you look beat, tired, exhausted, worn out, whatever adjective you want to use for all used up. Bone dry, that's how I'm feeling.

I feel alone. My phone is quiet, no one texting or calling me. Unimportant, forgotten. These are lies from some dark place hurtling through the air to lodge themselves in my brain where they grow into feelings of despair and panic. I ruminate on them, start to believe them, try to remember what God says is true. "I will never leave your or forsake you." But I'm just not feeling it tonight; the struggle of faith is harder than I can do on my own. I disengage on the computer, looking at stuff that, let's be serious, I don't need in my life. I re-engage telling myself that this time that I have with Ellie is so short. In two years she'll be running around the house, the newborn phase long-gone in the rear-view mirror.

I pick her up and hold her, talking to her. Blessing the Lord for this sweet gift. But the aloneness is still there, closing in on me. You're forgotten, no one cares about you. I know it isn't true, but why does it seem so clear tonight? This is hard.

But then, I turn, look at the table, see something unexpected there. It's a card. I open it; it's addressed to me. "Oh yeah, October is Pastor Appreciation Month isn't it." I remember.  I read the words "The Lord bless you and continue to pour out his goodness in your life. With Appreciation for your ministry. You are the perfect person to minister to young adults, young marrieds, and young families-as you are all of these yourself and can relate so well to them. We love it when you preach the sermon too. -A sweet couple

In my heart I know this card was written by with human fingers, addressed and stamped with human hands, delivered by a human post person, but really it was dispatched from my Heavenly Father knowing exactly what I needed to hear tonight.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.” (Psalm 63:5–8, NIV)

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